Stop The Cavalry

Actually the above should probably read ‘(stop) stop the cavalry’. For some (to me) unfathomable reason, the lovely A loathes that song. Personally, I find it a jolly little ditty, and also found Mr Jona Lewie to be very personable gent indeed when I was involved in promoting the ‘Be Stiff’ tour of Scotland many moons ago.They were a very motley bunch, the Stiff Records crew. Lene Lovich was just weird, Wreckless Eric appeared to be permanently, well, wrecked, Mickey Jupp was a little irascible and Rachel Sweet was very, very sweet. her version of ‘Wildwood Saloon’ still sends shivers down my spine after all these years…

Of course the ‘Stop…’ ditty is a Christmas number, which leads us nicely into this, on my part, unexpected blog. We’re all in the UK on a wonderful Christmas holiday at the moment, and I’m so full (genuinely, you snickering cynics!) of the joys of Christmas that I want to share a poem from my good friend Skip with you. It’s part of the never-ending children’s collection he is authoring in his spare time (!), although he assures me it’s entirely suitable for adults, and can also be found on his ‘Valley of Gwangi’ blog.
Who knows, I might be back again in the virtual world of blogdom, but in the meantime, please enjoy the below and do have a truly wonderful festive season.

A Christmas Ode

by Skip Cormack

’twas Christmas Eve in our house
and all the lights were dim
I heard a noise upon the roof
Oho! It must be him?!
I then discerned more muffled sounds
descending from above
a skiffle-skuffle in the snows
which cloaked us as a glove

I pulled the covers to my neck
and listened full of awe
through half shut eyes
my gaze intent
fixed on my bedroom door…
The minutes passed…
And passed again
No sign of bearded gent
I sighed and snuggled down again
A sigh of discontent
But wait! Another thump and bump
Came loud above my head
I bravely threw the covers back
And tumbled out of bed

The window pane was frosty cold
To my hot snuggled touch
I grasped the sash and tugged and tugged
To pull the window up
The icy blast did freeze my breath
Its fingers chilled my heart
I leaned outside and upward gazed
…it gave me such a start!

A hand was reaching down to me
Stretching from above
With fingers long, yet fingers three,
Encased in silver glove!
Before I had a chance to gasp
It grasped me by the arm
And pulled me out and upwards fast
– I cried out in alarm!
The earth it spun below me far
The stars swam in the sky
I found myself placed on the roof
(I feared that I might die!)
my eyes were screwed tight shut in fear
Of that which I might see
I opened them a little bit,
And there… in front of me…

‘You’re not Santy Claus!’
I cried
‘You aren’t a man – or woman!
You’re not an aminal I know –
in fact, you’re just not human!’
The creatures voice replied to me
As if inside my head
‘look kid, I’m really sorry that
I yanked you outta bed,
you see my ship it lost control
(I thought that I was dead)
I spun and spun and spun around
Down through your atmosphere
But luckily I missed the ground
And landed right up here.’
The five-eyed thing in silver suit
It pointed up (and right)
I followed with my startled eyes
Which then beheld a sight

Upon our roof, upended there
Suspended, bashed and dangled,
A silver flying saucer hung
Antennae quite entangled
I drew my frozen breath inside
My heart began to pounding
I blinked- and blinked
And blinked again
Through greenish haze surrounding
‘my fuel pipe’s bust, I’ve lost some juice’
the voice began to drone
‘I’m gonna need your help with this,
so’s I can get back home.’
I knew right then I had to help
(Although my mind was reeling –
I’d watched James Stewart on TV

‘You stay right here, I’ll be back soon’
I told my ET friend
He lifted me back down and through
My window once again
I crept downstairs and searched around
Collected what was needed
Then tiptoed back upstairs again
To where my friend was seated
‘…A ‘Black and Decker Workmate, eh?’
Its five eyebrows rose in wonder
‘A ‘Ronco Super Fix-It Kit’ a ‘Kenwood Master Blender’?
And what’s this kid? ‘Talisker’?
Ah, must be some kinda juice-
Let’s get back on the roof now kid,
And put this stuff to use!’

And so it was we toiled that night
Under sparkling stars and moon
My five-eyed friend and I worked hard
And very, very soon
The saucer sat, undented now
(With a tank full of Dads whiskey-
although my own opinion was that flight was somewhat risky!)
The alien then climbed inside
And waved to me ‘goodbye!’
He pressed and pushed and twisted things
But still it would not fly?

We stood forlorn on frozen roof
And pondered what to do
When another voice boomed from above
‘Need some help, you two?’
Once more I froze in utter shock
On raising my gaze high
For there above, without a doubt
Suspended in the sky
I saw a sledge, packed full of stuff
A flying reindeer team,
A jolly, red-clad, bearded man –
Now surely it’s a dream?

But no, it was old Santa Claus
A twinkle in his eye
He hitched the saucer to his sledge,
And said ‘let’s help this guy!
Come Donner! Blitzen! Prancer! Dancer!
Come on Rudolph, too!’
Rudolph turned and looked at him, and loudly sneezed – Achoo!!!
(so THAT’S why he has a red nose!)

A jump start, it appeared to me
Was all that was really needed,
And yes, the saucer flew away
And into the night receded
Santa turned and laughed at me
And patted on my head
‘Young man, you’ve had a busy night
now get yourself to bed!’

The morning dawned – t’was Christmas Day!
And my joy was unbounded!
For everything which I’d asked for
The Christmas tree surrounded
My parents puzzled over this
And other things quite curious,
Such as where had all the whiskey gone?
(my dear old Dad was furious!)
They wondered why I yawned all day,
went to early bed that night,
and what was the green glow in my room?
(actually, a meteorite – thanks, alien!)

and so my tale has come to end
(it’s short – but it’s not tall)
and all that’s left to say is, friends –

a Merry Christmas to you all!!!

(and a Happy New Year!)